Comedy in Truth: February is Valentine's Season (Did last week break you?)
- Erin B. Patterson, LCMHC-S
- Feb 22, 2023
- 4 min read
By Alysia Leak, LMFT
It’s February. If you live in the United States, you’re either looking forward to a groundhog announcing there are six more weeks of winter or seeing a barricade of red between you and your groceries at the store. While the groundhog is basically innocent in his plot to overthrow Spring, Valentine’s Day can be a joy some years and a pain in other years. Here are some ideas to keep in mind as you celebrate (or hide) during the Valentine’s Day season.
It’s only 24 hours:
When you’re single
If you are avoiding going to the store for fear of the emotional pain you will experience as vendors try to get you to buy red products all month, remember that the actual day is only celebrated for 24 hours. You may feel upset that there was no one who wanted to get you that box of the worst flavored assorted chocolate for $24.99, but on February 15 that same box will be $2.00. So, overall, was it really worth it?
When you’re coupled
If you’re happy and you know it… celebrate! If you’re not happy and you know it… reinvent! There are many (too many) times when society attempts to dictate what happiness is and how you should celebrate it. If your relationship is about showing the rest of the world your love for one another, giving gifts, or representing your accomplishments as a couple, then use the 24 hours to reach those goals. Valentine’s Day is a very concrete way of showing someone how you feel for them and often people need that concrete expression to feel confident with the way the relationship is progressing. However, if that’s not what your relationship is about, make sure that on the day, your partner(s) feel loved and appreciated the best way you know how. This might be a movie at home, a get-away, or a special hand-made project. It’s all up to you two to enjoy each other.
All jokes aside
Valentine’s Day for singles and couples can make people feel unloved. This is especially true if your partner does well to celebrate Valentine’s Day but causes heartache most other days. Whether you are happily coupled, happily single, looking for love, or looking to get out of it, Valentine’s Day is only 24 hours and you probably need love more than just one day out of the year despite how the holiday goes. This brings me to my next point.
Love is year round:
When you’re single
You make candy rain on people in October, cook them an elaborate meal in November, buy them gifts in December, finally get a break to do your taxes in January, and turn right back around to “loving them” in February. They didn’t understand that you loved them in November? Never mind the special one-on-one visit you gave them last week or the money you let them borrow 2 months ago that you have not seen yet. They also need a Valentine’s Day gift? If they don’t know you love them by now, Valentine’s Day is not going to be the day you prove it to them. The same is true for you!
When you’re coupled
(See paragraph above). In addition to that, when coupled, your partner needs your affection many days out of the year. (It turns out that some people even like to have affection every day!) When celebrating Valentine’s Day it seems it would be more meaningful to have a slight increase in your regular expression of love, rather than use the day to make up for all the times you forgot to love your partner.
All jokes aside
Boundaries are important in any relationship. If you find that you are giving…and giving…and giving with no observable reciprocation, maybe consider building more relationships with people who want to love you the way you love them. If you know you love the person, but the expression is lacking, you may benefit from reviewing the disconnect either between each other or with the assistance of a relationship counselor.
Create your own traditions:
When you’re single
You know who deserves your love? You do! You may want to participate in the tradition of celebrating Valentine’s Day and that’s totally fine! If you don’t have anyone to show affection with, treating yourself well serves several purposes: it gives you someone to do things for, makes your inner self feel loved, and shows other admirers lurking in the background what they can do to make you feel loved when they finally make the approach.
When you’re coupled
You have a unique situation. There is no one else in the world who is the person you are with. You get to build your own model of how a relationships works. Why not create your own traditions? By doing something that you share only together, you get an experience that creates strong bonds. After all, isn’t that your intent in celebrating Valentine’s Day?
All jokes aside
Valentine’s Day can produce stress and worry if it carries too much value. Make sure you use the holiday to… well… have a holiday. Ideally, it’s a day of enjoyment. Be unconventional in your ways of having fun.
The Valentine’s Day Break
Love can be difficult, confusing, and rewarding all at the same time even when the relationship is going well! Valentine’s Day tends to amplify and highlight those factors, bringing your thoughts about it right to the front of your mind. The day is here to stay. You control how you manage it and there are suitable options to do so. If you’re uncertain about how you’ll be when the day comes, reach out for support from family, friends, or a therapist. Finally, you can rest assured that sometime between getting your tax forms and shopping for green shirts, there will be a marmot coming to let you know how the rest of the season will go.
Alysia Leak, LMFT
Patterson Psych Group, PLLC
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